Life above the Fold
Posted on Jan 17th, 2007
by 
Heather
Heather
BAD! Kitty Art Studio...
(above) one of the collaged A.I.M. magnets
from the (ever growing) collection...
***
So...last night while waiting for the fast food dinner to arrive because I was so tired, I didn't care what we ate for dinner, just that the boys had something other than each other to chew on. The oldest starts asking questions of his way to exhausted Mother (yep, that's me). I am so lucky... Here is a little of the conversation...
Oldest: "Mom what's a condom?" (he is nine)
Mom: "Well son, it's a tool for grown-ups to use to keep from getting STD's."
Oldest: "what's a STD?" (should have known that was coming, this is when I snapped to and got the brain pan online)
Mom: "Well, it's a sexually transmitted disease. You can get diseases from having unprotected sex, when you are a grown-up, and condom's are to keep you a little safer." Oldest: "So, where do they go?"
Youngest: "I know, I know...they go on your boy stuff! Right Mom?" (he is eight)
Mom: " Yes, that's right...how did you know that?"
Youngest: " a girl at school told me."
Mom: (now alarmed) " Why were you talking about condom's at school?"
Youngest "She said she found some condoms in her parent's room and was talking about it."
Mom: (now even more alarmed and uncomfortable) "So, did she know what they were for?"
Youngest: "yeah her Mom said they were for not making babies though."
Oldest: "Yuck, babies! Gross."
Mom: " Well they do help prevent pregnancies too."
Oldest: " Mom how do you get a condom on your stuff? I mean...how does it work?" Mom: (who is now not believing that I am the only adult in the house, and really wishing Dad was around) " Well...uummmm, look son, you are not old enough to need to know this stuff yet, and when you are I promise I will tell you all the things you will need to know, OK?" (I am thinking where is the freaking Pizza already? Save Me!)
Youngest: " I know...you have to swallow them so you can pee it out, is that right Mom? I wonder if they taste better with Orange Juice? You know like medicine?"
Mom: "Well, boys...no you don't swallow them, and I promise I will tell you all about this when you are old enough to worry about sex, right now that is not something you need to think about, and sex is not something you need to know all about yet, except remember how Mom told you about how babies are made? That's sex, and it's only for grown-ups that love each other."
Oldest: " Ok Mom...sex is so gross! Babies...yuck! But Mom... when will I be old enough to have sex?"
Mom: " When you are 30."
Just then the mohawked pizza guy showed up...and the boys screamed Yea! Pizza's here!
Youngest: (while eating pizza) "Mom, where do lesbians come from?"
Mom:" Eat your pizza before it gets cold honey, I have to call your Dad...he should be home soon, and you can ask him that one OK?"
Youngest: "Ok Mom, can I have some Pop with my dinner?"
Mom: " No, it's bad for your bones honey, here's some juice."
Oldest to youngest: " I wonder where girls put their condoms?"
Mom: "where the heck is the phone!"
***
Heather
http://www.badkittyartstudio.com/
Support Living Artists Buy Art Today
(above) one of the collaged A.I.M. magnets
from the (ever growing) collection...
***
So...last night while waiting for the fast food dinner to arrive because I was so tired, I didn't care what we ate for dinner, just that the boys had something other than each other to chew on. The oldest starts asking questions of his way to exhausted Mother (yep, that's me). I am so lucky... Here is a little of the conversation...
Oldest: "Mom what's a condom?" (he is nine)
Mom: "Well son, it's a tool for grown-ups to use to keep from getting STD's."
Oldest: "what's a STD?" (should have known that was coming, this is when I snapped to and got the brain pan online)
Mom: "Well, it's a sexually transmitted disease. You can get diseases from having unprotected sex, when you are a grown-up, and condom's are to keep you a little safer." Oldest: "So, where do they go?"
Youngest: "I know, I know...they go on your boy stuff! Right Mom?" (he is eight)
Mom: " Yes, that's right...how did you know that?"
Youngest: " a girl at school told me."
Mom: (now alarmed) " Why were you talking about condom's at school?"
Youngest "She said she found some condoms in her parent's room and was talking about it."
Mom: (now even more alarmed and uncomfortable) "So, did she know what they were for?"
Youngest: "yeah her Mom said they were for not making babies though."
Oldest: "Yuck, babies! Gross."
Mom: " Well they do help prevent pregnancies too."
Oldest: " Mom how do you get a condom on your stuff? I mean...how does it work?" Mom: (who is now not believing that I am the only adult in the house, and really wishing Dad was around) " Well...uummmm, look son, you are not old enough to need to know this stuff yet, and when you are I promise I will tell you all the things you will need to know, OK?" (I am thinking where is the freaking Pizza already? Save Me!)
Youngest: " I know...you have to swallow them so you can pee it out, is that right Mom? I wonder if they taste better with Orange Juice? You know like medicine?"
Mom: "Well, boys...no you don't swallow them, and I promise I will tell you all about this when you are old enough to worry about sex, right now that is not something you need to think about, and sex is not something you need to know all about yet, except remember how Mom told you about how babies are made? That's sex, and it's only for grown-ups that love each other."
Oldest: " Ok Mom...sex is so gross! Babies...yuck! But Mom... when will I be old enough to have sex?"
Mom: " When you are 30."
Just then the mohawked pizza guy showed up...and the boys screamed Yea! Pizza's here!
Youngest: (while eating pizza) "Mom, where do lesbians come from?"
Mom:" Eat your pizza before it gets cold honey, I have to call your Dad...he should be home soon, and you can ask him that one OK?"
Youngest: "Ok Mom, can I have some Pop with my dinner?"
Mom: " No, it's bad for your bones honey, here's some juice."
Oldest to youngest: " I wonder where girls put their condoms?"
Mom: "where the heck is the phone!"
***
Heather
http://www.badkittyartstudio.com/
Support Living Artists Buy Art Today
Access: PublicTagged with: Question for Mom
question for mom
July 2008
OH MY GODDESS!!! That is just hilarious!!! I don't envy you at all for conversations like that…. where in the world was Mr. Mate Man!!!??? It is a bit scary what they learn at school from other children… I think that's why it is important to communicate also at home… whew! the challenge of that though! {{deepest bows}} to you!
He was on his way home from work at the time…and when he got home and I told him the story…he laughed until he cried! That siht's not funny…but it is and was…and we laughed about it all night. When I kissed him goodbye this morning, he told me to make sure and drink my juice and don't forget my condom! Yeah, he's a real laugh riot that one…yuck it up chuckles, you get to answer the how they are used question! :)
Oh Heather, here I am laughing my head off! Loved it.
Thanks Ayla! It was fun to share a day in the BAD! Kitty Life with you all! Love, Heather
Aren't children fun??!!! That will be a memory to pass onto your childrens children, if they every decide they want to have babies… hahahaha. Sorry, I'm not usually like this, but few things make me honestly laugh, and your story did. Thank you so much for sharing such a personal dialog. You held yourself together quite well, under the circumstances, and I bow to the queen of sex questions :P
{so, can I send my children to you to answer their questions??? Just kidding :}}}
Yeah Whitdove they are a laugh riot…and to answer your question…Hell NO! LOL I can hardly stand up under the amount of life questions I have been getting from these two of my own lately…sheesh…I think it's a plot. :)
Love…the queen of sex questions…I like that one…I may have to paint a painting to fit that title!
Heather