Full painting
Eye Detail
Nose & Mouth detail
‘Fracture Point’
18″ x 24″ x 2″ (extra thick box canvas)
Back stapled, needs no frame, ready to hang
To see more about/ Or to buy this work Click HERE
Here is the quote that inspired the work:
“The soul-which I’m defining as our capacity for these deeply positive human qualities-is something that, in most of us, desperately needs to be developed. Too many of us live in a fractured state, deeply divided against ourselves-often far more so than we are aware of or able to feel. We exist in a self-generated vacuum of moral ambiguity, where everything is relative and our attention is focused mainly on our emotional state. Most of us know a lot more about what really matters than we are willing to live up to. Indeed, we are attracted to that which is beautiful, profound, and meaningful but find ourselves lacking the soul strength to really struggle, to engage in a life-and-death wrestling match with our own division, cynicism, and inertia. The awful truth is that it is just easier for us not to care that much. In order to care that much, we have to be willing to feel a connection with life that is so deep that it hurts. We have to be ready to step onto the field of our own experience in a way that is authentic, unconditional, and deeply committed-to embrace a kind of fearless vulnerability where our transparency is our strength and the living experience of connection is permanent, unbroken, and inescapable.”
***
‘Fracture Point’ is about the emotional attachment to the world of things. I had the chance just last night (at 2 am in the morning in fact) to learn again how to let go of things that do not define me as a human being. I am a very light sleeper, and I have insomnia that is very problematic. So getting a good nights sleep for me is crucial to my everyday emotional landscape. (It also helps to keep people from getting blow torched by my bad moods because I am over tired). OK, long story short…
The doorbell rings at 2 am, it’s the Repo guy here to take back the car that we can’t pay for since Mate Man lost his job three months back now. Was I ashamed or shamed in any way that my car was being repossessed? Not at all. Why would I be?
The guy wanted to know if we needed to get anything from the car before he took it. We told him no, gave him the keys and said thanks. He was shocked, I imagine in his line of work people don’t usually respond in a helpful manner to him taking their car in the middle of the night. In the south, you might even get shot having such a job. After that I could not go back to sleep and I had already started this work, so I thought why not finish it? I mean while I have the emotional learning thing going on. So, we lost a car, not the worst thing that could happen. Not at all. Now I have less overhead with the cost of the car and more room in my driveway. All good things. Credit destruction…I laugh at that…I have not had good credit in so long that I don’t remember what that was even like. I don’t use credit for the most part in my life anyway, I work on a cash basis, so it’s not the worst thing ever. When we lost our farm and business 6 years back we had no debt except for the home and business loans…so when we went under, so did our credit rating. Whatever. 
I kept working on my painting, letting the shock of being woke up in that manner seep out of me. I realized that I was creating a work to heal myself before I “knew” that I would need the healing.
I am what I am. I am OK and I am enough. I painted Fracture Point to remind myself, that the world only has power over my life, if I let it. I have the ability to take something that looks broken on the outside and make it a thing of beauty even in it’s imperfection.
Life is hard. Death I don’t fear, it’s the living that sometimes scares me to death. LOL So, I paint it out. I paint out the fear. I paint out the conclusions. I paint out the discovery. I paint out the love. Let me make it clear…
I paint out the love.
I paint to remeber that the opposite of fear is not courage, it’s love. I am what I am, I do what I want and I will not hide that truth. I am whole and I am fractured too. It’s the way we put it all together that makes it [a life] a thing of beauty, or a train wreck. I am all about the beauty.
I hope you are all having a great day, and thanks for reading.
Heather
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daily art
November 2009 
BAD! Kitty
Access: Public
I'm listening Heather. The painting is wonderful and what's happening in your life right now….Well, yes there is beauty and freedom and then there is This sucks!
Honestly I'm not sure what I can do personally, but I'm listening.
Hey Doug, yeah some things suck…but I didn't want to come off as all pity me…it's just life you know? Thank you for your kind words and actions…you are so very special to be seeing and listening to me. Thank you with a whole heart.
You're not coming off as anything but positive and making love with what comes your way. I'm just seeing my own fears my friend. I love your honesty and openess and please keep sharing. I suspect there are more ears listening then you'd think, because they may be just being really quiet.
I really am trying Doug, I really am. Making love to what comes my way that is…but sometimes you gotta double bag what comes your way, (coz it's just damn ugly) you know what I mean? I just didn't want anyone to think I'm over here going poor me, because I'm not. I'm just carrying on. I hope there are ears out there, I hope that someday that they will give voices to them as well. It gets lonely out here sometimes. Thanks for seeing me, it means a lot. :)
Lol! I have a friend at work that calls it stuffing 5lbs of shit in a 2 lb bag, so yes I get the picture. And you're not giving up I can see that. That job that Mateman needs, actually the perfect job, the one that is tailor made for him, not like the last bad hand rolled one, is there already just waiting for him to see it and claim it. We have a lot of collective power here and I'd be more then happy to send out a few quiet messages or not so quiet, your choice, to people here to have them add their intention to mine for this to happen. Love you my friend, big hugs!
I'm here too Heather. Listening and present and sending you and Mateman power.. This painting is incredible. Well worth the car.
Thank you for posting these words from Cohen:
“The awful truth is that it is just easier for us not to care that much. In order to care that much, we have to be willing to feel a connection with life that is so deep that it hurts. We have to be ready to step onto the field of our own experience in a way that is authentic, unconditional, and deeply committed-to embrace a kind of fearless vulnerability where our transparency is our strength and the living experience of connection is permanent, unbroken, and inescapable.”
Doug, yes please shout, sing, dance, send smoke signels…. we will embrace whatever positive energy comes our way and double it and send back round the globe for every living thing, and ourselves too. I hope you are right about the job thing, we can hold on like we are for about 90 more days then…I just don't know, but I know we will figure it out, no matter what happens we will always have each other and there is no greater gift than to not be alone in the world. Thank you, thank you. Loving you always.
Jena: Hey Friend, it's been a while, love hearing from you. Yes the quote was what got me back up on my feet and my brain in gear and my pity party over. And it got this work completed, because I do care, deeply, and it does hurt but I do not wish to have less suffering, I only wish to have more growth from it. You know what I mean jelly bean? :)
58. Hugs and peace to you Heather,
start here or go to the next one
http://johna16.gaia.com/blog/2008/5/wooden_dragonfly#comments
thank you,
samme
My husband used to be a repo man in Los Angeles. Man, you ain't kidding about people shooting atcha! He's got lots of stories. That was really nice of repo guy to ask if you wanted anything out of the car, but I have to wonder what he was thinking ringing your bell in the first place? Maybe he likes drama. You must have shifted his paradigm in a big way by handing him the keys and thanking him, lol.
I love your fractured art.
Do you feel that peace that comes with letting it all go? I remember feeling a great wave of peace in allowing things to fall away in times of great financial turmoil, like a sigh of relief that I no longer had to try to hold it all together. There was such beauty in everything being shattered, like when I could see all these little bits and pieces of my life glinting in the sun, exposed before the world, I could realize they were not who I am and I could finally breathe. I would finally surrender it all to the Universe and stop pretending that I was in control of anything at all and just let it all fall away.
I wouldn't trade any of the lessons I've had for easier times. Everything always came around so much more magnificent that I could have every imagined. For example, it was homelessness (me, husband, and 3 children) that took me where I needed to be to meet my spiritual teacher. We started out homeless in Southern California and ended up in Missouri - NEVER EVER where we thought we'd end up! But it took having nothing left to lose but each other to slow down enough to listen to the whisper and go where God/Spirit/Universe was calling us to go. For us, God had to start throwing bricks to get our attention (sudden joblessness, sudden homelessness).
What an amazing thing Jena said, ”This painting is incredible. Well worth the car.”
That's it right there, the Universe bringing you exactly the experiences you need in each moment to get you to the places you need to go.
Much love to you.
heather,
i know this happened at the beginning of the summer and I ak just catchign up with you. how has it been sans the car? you seem to be thriving, were i to judge by your recent art adn accomplishments, my dear.
anyway, just wanted you to know that I am hearign you too!
love,
mary